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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to find out that an online journalist a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his headwear,” explained a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college to access the restrooms in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled through the school like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Quiet and watchful” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“How important is a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the school playground with kids he knew would beat him up. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|